Cow Stuff


Cows are neat!  Cows are gentle creatures... they always have been!  This has been previously documented in my earlier blog entries.  I ask you, have you ever heard anyone accuse cows of horseplay?  Of course not!

Yes, cows have evolved over time.  Much like humans... except that cows do not use cell phones, or drive sports cars, and a few other things.  Humans enjoy activities, and excel in Scrabble, setting new pole vaulting records, and such.  My research has led me to believe that a major setback for cows is their lack of opposable thumbs.  Let's face it, in typing, how could you use a space bar without your thumbs!  Ride a bicycle without thumbs?  I think not... how could you ring the little bell on the handle bars?

Seriously... domesticated cows today can no longer jump with the mastery of earlier generations.  Today, young heifers can only experience a taste of the thrill for jumping by using a pogo stick.  And at that, when on the pogo stick, they must be quite careful that they don't accidentally land on their tail.  

Jumping is quite in the past... perhaps if one watches closely, especially when they don't think that anyone is looking, one may happen upon a good game of hopscotch... I will admit that I have seen some cows playing, what looked like, a friendly game of hop scotch.  However, when they saw I was looking, they blushed and went on with grazing.

OK... so, why is it that cowgirl is one word and my computer beeps when I write girlcow?  Hmmm, it ain't in the dictionary either...  I tell you, it’s time cows stood up on their back two hooves for their rights!  

Can’t you just envision the sight of 10,000 cows marching in lockhoof unity with their large Swiss bells around their necks clanging, as they head toward the main office of Webster’s?  They do have a main office... don’t they?  

In my mind, I rather imagine this Webster fellow as a young lad who was always running home after school because all of the kids would make fun of him because he always carried a black leatherette briefcase with a lot of books that he actually read.  

But I digress.

What kind of rallying cry would cows have???  "Give me an "M"... give me a "O" ... give me a "O"!

Oh well...

Dear reader, please understand that this is NOT a "mad cow" incident here.  It is just that the time has come for justice.

Being peaceful creatures, this would be a friendly, organized demonstration, not a stampede.   Of course, there would be music, such as "When you come to San Francisco, be sure to wear flowers in your horns", "Puff the Magic Holstein", "Fly me to the moon"... the original version, by Cowsmonaute Zenia, who jumped over the moon.  

Which brings me to the point of cow breath!  I feel the need to ask you... have you ever been around cows with bad breath?  Of course not!  I've learned their secret!  You understand, that you are sworn to secrecy... cows chew Juicy Fruit gum... there, you have it!  If you ever are walking along a country road, you will notice that cows will look at you with their big brown eyes and keep chewing!  Then as you look around the fields, I'm certain without a doubt that you will not find any gum wrappers!  Cows are neat!


Be the first to post a comment.

Previously published:

All 21 blog entries